my big passion

I have a big passion now. Photography. Too bad I don't have enough time - I could spend days doing photos. Taking picture with the camera is not only one step. If you really want a great photo - you should spend lots of time reading theory on that. And photoshoping: not making stuff up but cropping, cleaning from "noise" and stuff just making your unique picture even more beautiful. This takes time.
I love this kind of stuff probably because it’s a part of life. Especially here in Alaska, I think it’s a crime not to try to capture the beauty around you. As they say – you don’t need to go anywhere just stand in one place and spinning your body with the camera in your hands. You can easily end up with hundreds of beautiful pictures.

Of course I couldn’t do anything without my husband. He helps me always and I’m just happy that he loves this thing too. So helping me here is not something he got to do but doesn’t really want.

irony of life

The irony of my life is that my granddad had the thing I have. Different reason though, he was a parachute coach during World War II. He had lots of jumps and doing that stuff he damaged his spine. Well, he was clumsy and all other things (not everything I have though) but he got laugh at a lot. And I was the one (I believe only one) who didn’t laugh at him. Even more I helped him the way I could anyway. I love my granddad, he passed away but I know he is in a better place now and looking down at me. I’m sure he likes what he sees I caught my dream for the tail J He was paralyzed at the end of his life, not whole body but legs. Well he was an optimist big time. I believe you could spend your entire life and not get that but he did. Really truly did. He was very involved all the time, especcially impressive it was when wasn't phisically able to gon places. He didn't have wheelchair (how sad) so he was "tied up" to his bed. But anyway - he was listening to the radio, he was reading lots of newspapers, books, he aws playing with crosswords, he was a Big Guy. I mean not his phisical body but his spirit.

Later in a life I got involved in volunteer work with disabled people. War veterans, disabled from birth but I really admired those people. Sometimes I felt like I look from bottom to top of a person, not how it was physically. Most of them were on wheelchairs. Some were with ruined arms by bombs and grenades. But they all are great people.

And now here I am. On a wheelchair more and more, first I got there only “for a moment”. And now it’s a part of my life.
Another thing what amazes me right now that when I was a kid I was listening “tails” about Grand Canyon, Hawaii and I thought that I want there so bad. But I would never get there. Well, I’ve been to Grand Canyon and Hawaii :)
OMG I’m so happy that I my little “never” dreams came true! And even more then that.

Thank you God for heping me to get here!!!

how do I do it

The secret is actually no secret. The life is in movement.
You keep moving no matter what, you fell down but you got to get up and keep going.
I have bruises all over my body :) like a teenager :) Most of the time I don't even know how and where I've gotten them :) And the point is that you just try to ignore it at least I do. It's just a part of my life that's all.

I do hate those buttons on the clothes :) But just try to play with little balls in hand all the time - this way you keep you hands ready. Having two or three balls at a time try them to keep in the hand without helping by other hand, just playing with it with fingers.
And for the balance my physio therapist showed me a cool exercise: you lay on the back on the half-round beam on the floor with your legs bended in knees resting on the floor. Then try to balance your body on that with you hands resting on the floor. Then lift up in the air both hands slowly, one then another, then both. It won't grow back my cerebellum but it definitely teaches other parts of my brain do the job.

To train my balance in the gym I do treadmill as long as I can (about 15 min) walking not hanging to the handle. But it has to be there anyway because whatever happens (sudden move or something) I got to be able to grab something quickly.

Another thing I do in the gym is to do cranches side ways (using 45 Degree Hyperextension Bench). I lay on the machine sideways and lift my body trying to keep balance. It's hard, very hard for me, but iI'm pushing myself here trying to improve my balance skills.

Another machine I always use is lat-pull-down, I only do it standing up for (again) impoving my balance skills. To keep my hands strong in case of falling down - lifting weights.

And…….Of course you have to be kind of spiritual. I’m not that religious (you know formalized religion just not my thing) but it doesn’t stop me from being spiritual. God created me that way means God had a reason to put me trough all I went trough. I was strong enough actually not to get to hate all the world, not to grab the gun and just shoot all people because they hurt me in the past. Thi9s strength God gave me. And I’m very grateful for that. I think because I took all that and managed it somehow I got rewarded. My life now is a big reward.

I love my life! Thank you God for giving me that!

my great husband

What I realized from my own experience and reading others people thoughts on this. It’s that if you have something making different it's just critical to have a partner which is always there for you. Not just understanding that you're different and needs a different approach, but helping you be yourself.
That what my great husband is for me. He is helping me be myself: it's just priceless. He gives me the opportunity to do things I've never been able to do. Like for example simple thing: when I was a kid I was dreaming about big excitement. Like let's say roller coasters were just out of my reach always. Because my physical condition I just couldn't do that childish thing :)
So that trim to Orlando Disney world was kind of revenge for me :) I was with my husband what could stop me from doing that? Nothing. So I got so much adrenalin in my blood - the amount I supposed to get from all childhood I guess :) And another thing: I was so happy to be able to walk around ALL DAY long. OMG it was unbelievable. Really, because 20-30 minutes for me usually is about all I could do; because of my fatigue. But being able to enjoy myself all day long is priceless.
I do have one dream though nobody (even my great husband) can do for me. Since I was a little child I was dreaming about it. Like I was wearing “princess” dress with lots of layers that it goes almost a trapezium from my waist. Wearing hills (I can never wear a hills in million years, I can’t even stand in them) and dancing waltz with nice violin on background with my great husband as a partner. It’s a just a dream which can never be a reality, but hey having a dream means I’m still alive and well :)

philosophical

I was thinking about people, about life.

Sometimes I feel real sorry for people because mostly they don't appreciate what they have before something major would happen. It's really sad because I' know it I really believe that despite life isn't tied with the bow it's till a gift. Real big gift. Life is too fragile for not to love for it is. Love every day and it will come back to you with the same. Everything in life has a price and you're suffering you will be rewarded. Bad days worse surviving just because there are a good days. And they always waiting for being discovered.

All people, every one of them are getting a chance, sometimes several of them during lifetime. The deal is that are you ready for that? First of all emotionally; I really believe that if you really badly want something - you are going to get it. One way or another. If you really want something you work on it.

Everybody around you could say "What a lucky guy! He just won a lottery!" and only you will know for sure what price you paid for this. Success is not a lottery the size of it depends on amount of effort you put in it.

I do love life, very much; but I was wondering though if I would be like all "ordinary" people if I would be one of them?
On the other hand I don't really want to think about it. Life is too short to spent it on "what if".