Reflection on government in our health life

I oppose the “umbrella” solution in the form it pronounced right now, so called "managed care" concept. I believe, that the solid lasting solution is not in a bunch of regulations and “shelter” provided by the government. There is no urge to “guide” people everywhere, this approach to a problem will only create the attitude “why do I need to do anything? the big brother will do everything for me, he always does!” It is a welfare state of mind, which promotes poverty and immorality. There is a tail in Russia that has a thesis, that if somebody always taking care of a person, sooner or later the simple conclusion can be made: “if I give him the food, why not I chew it for him too?”
Salaried doctors are good for minor problems, because they will not care about patients (why? they will be paid anyway, have the nice dinner and things, they do not need to think about better service). I believe that, by nature, people can manage to sort out good and bad, they often only need information, not tight guidance. Healthy competition can support people in finding the right path in improving their services. Free people much more often are generous to vulnerable, than those who are relying too much on government.

If the some rural area is the context for schema of delivery healthcare services, traditionally, there is no competition; I believe, that the fact, that everybody knows everybody and poor reputation will stick to the doctor, can stop or at least slow down unacceptable behaviour.

As many of you probably know Alaska is very independent-minded state, probably because it is still an America, but, at the same time, the territory geographically separated from America. I learned here that people can and will be accountable for their life, up here it was a matter of survival.

References

http://www.cato.org/pub_display.php?pub_id=6698http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1498511/Welfare-promotes-child-poverty.htmlhttp://media.barometer.orst.edu/media/storage/paper854/news/2002/10/28/Forum/Baro-Columnist.Paints.A.Poor.Picture.Of.Welfare-2294519.shtmlhttp://patterico.com/2008/10/13/obamas-95-tax-cut-illusion/

Some thoughts about healthcare and money

I cannot stop thinking about it just because I am working in a hospital and even perusing healthcare career studying.
I am officially disabled, fortunatily, I have invisible disability now (thanks God!). I have gotten a job because I do not look like the person who is making living on Government check. In fact, I never received anything from the Government, not even a tax exemption or something. I do not really need any help from the Government, thanks God, I can be useful to the society, and the society pays me back.
The only thing is that I do not want any intrusion in my life. I am getting angry, when I have to pay twice as much as “ordinary” people do. For example, for travel I need to make special arrangements, rent a big car to carry wheelchair, rent wheelchair itself, and so on. On top of it I have to pay ridiculous taxes. My hard earned money which I desperately need myself tom people who, in lots of cases, just do not want to change their lifestyle and keep living on a Government check! Why? It all looks like I have to pay twice just for being alive and relatively well. I want to be able to be nice and do donations like I always did. If those in Government decide to raise my taxes, I will have to forget about it. Just think about surviving. Alternative for me looks very sad: just sit at home, do nothing, think nothing and hope for nothing.

Student

Well, new twist in my career - I am a student now :)
Walden University pursuing Masters of Science. I like it, in fact, when I was in deciding mode, I was thinking that I will expand my horizons to some higher level and will learn more some English :)

What can I say, it is working for me. I am getting what I wanted to get. Great.
Nice side effect for me - I am always busy :) Researching and reading stuff. Actually, I am really pleased to have so many resources under my fingers. Best way to keep your mind working is to work. So I do. Well, if the nature has decided to shorten me on something - it is my job to find a way to lengthen the rest.

New things

As l already mentioned it in Dan's blog (the link is on the right side of the post) I would be adjusting now to a new things.
Smells. It's driving me crazy! First (about two years ago) it started as phantom smell of household chemicals like bleach or something. And it "transformed" to smell of burnt toast.
First (about half a year ago) it started as a weird smell when I was having headache or just my heart was going crazy over something. It was just beating very fast.

And now I smell the burnt toast all the time! This smell seems to replace all the good around. I'm a girl for Christ cake!! What about my favorite Chanelle? What about my roses or any other beautiful flowers? Why I smell this not great not appetizing in any way thing? Why not some spring smell, some flowers.

Life is not fare at all. (angry-litle-girl-smile)

Be happy!

Happy. Be happy. What is it? How to get there? Is it something everybody can have?

I thought about that for so long and so many times this topic just appeared in my head.
Here is what I believe. You and only you can decide be happy or miserable the rest of your life. You and only you can make steps in this direction. Your happiness depends only on you. Nobody else could make you happy. Nobody. If you don’t want that – nobody would ever succeed on making you happy.
I love my husband, I love my life generally. And I do want to be happy because I really truly believe I deserve it; because every person on this Earth deserves it. Every person on Earth could get it with no doubts.

Of course there is no fairy tail for everybody, but what is definite though and never ever change is just that every person on the face of this Earth get a chance. Chance for success, chance for true love, chance for happiness and the thing is to be ready, really ready with your mind and your body to take it.
Every human being is getting ready for this chance all his first life, sometimes there could be several chances. The human just has to have really opened eyes to see it. Really opened ears to hear it and really opened mind to feel it.
So first – you have to see it, second you have to be real ready for it and third – just take it easy. Jump on it but not abuse it.

And finally when you get big return everybody say that you’re just lucky. Accept it. Yes, you are. Only you actually know what it takes to be that lucky. Enjoy it :)

e are my little thing which I used to do to stay relatively strong without any medications. I used to do it and maybe somebody could use it too and stay strong :)))))))))
Every day (morning before breakfast) I go to gym. In the morning because I’m getting real bad fatigue usually so exercising after work is just impossible for me. But I do need exercise on my legs and arms. I need to move my legs (treadmill) because I’m sitting a lot. As I mentioned before I used top use wheelchair more and more so just to help it not to get too weak. And of course I need my arms to be real strong so that ion case of falling I could hold myself.
And as weird as it sounds I decrease my tremors by shooting. I really didn’t expect such an effect at all. You supposed to have strong hold and everything just to shoot good. But not other way around and I went other way around. Amazing!

Tamara

I can't stop thinking about her.

This woman from my birth country. Tamara Cheremnova /she is Russian and all this text is in Russian/. She is so strong and unbelievably happy, just kind of abnormal happy for her exact circumstances.

She was born on 1955. Almost right after (she was like about 2-3 year of age) she was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. It's terribly scary diagnosis by itself. But in addition to that she was given another one, even more terrible for her. She was named as retarded person. When she was 6 years old her parents just give up on her, because they couldn't give her appropriate care and so on. She was put in special school where she wasn't given any basic education at all. She didn't know how to write, how to read, basically she just didn't know anything by default.

And what made it really terrible for her, she was put in environment where she just couldn't get any education. Nobody really cared about those kids, nobody really tried to give them anything useful, anything to help them, they weren't feeling love. It's terrible thing, terrible. Love is what helps people to live basically. And they didn't have that.

But Tamara got real lucky because every terrible environment has little room for exclusion. There was one “crazy” teacher. Everybody just made fun of her like she was crazy. She tried to do for kids what they were not given by society – love. This “crazy” teacher taughtTamara some basic things, she read lots of books for Tamara. That was how Tamara got to the point of being a writer. But was still in that environment she needed to deal with. There was no “fairy tail” for her.

Even more then that she was kind of bullied by others (her "care givers"!!) all the time. Her basic rights were kind of stolen at that point. I really don't know and Tamara is telling same, even she doesn't know it for sure, how she surviving all that.

Well, one day she could get the second opinion and that most scary diagnosis was a history for her. She wasn't retarded any more, that “crazy” teacher actually helped Tamara to get that.

But what drove Tamara? What made her stay alive? She is a writer. She writes children books, she can't do it herself sometimes because of tremors and sudden moves but there are some wonderful people helping her. Now she is becoming kind of famous, but people who reads her books, people who actually making her famous don't really know that she is disabled. In their eyes she is just a wonderful person with big talent. That what she actually wanted all her previous life.

But what makes me real sad that she is still asking herself “why I'm here?” “who really needs me?” “who will ever appreciate what I do?”. Those are kind of questions lots of people asking themselves. The difference is that she really feeling like it. There is no point of light. Nothing. Just empty space.

I really understandf that because I was there for too long. Right now I found a oplace on Earth for my soul, I'm trying to find myself in this World. Identify myself. But her..............

I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I'm really afraid to tell her anything, because I'm in tears now and I don't want to burst into tears in front of her.

She is still in between the worlds of "nothing" and "happy". "Happy" is a really state of mind. And she decided to be happy. She decided............But is she?

I have very little to say this time around.
Sometimes I ran into story of what I could experience but didn't (Thanks God!) and it makes me feel a mix of everything. Sadness, madness, happiness: but overall happiness anyway. I just love my life so much and thankful for what I've got so far. And I do feel for those people.

But when I hear stories from people with disabilities in my birth country (yes, right now it's not a "home country" it's just birth country) I realize that I would never ever go back. This country is just not for me.

You can say I’m kind of queen or something but the reason for saying that is pretty simple. I just got my new spectacular life and just want to eat it, drink it, smell it, experience things in it, be wild sometimes, be a kid (I should say again but really for the first time for me). Oh yes, I’m kind of greedy person – greedy for life I’ve never had. While others were busy having fun with something I was busy surviving. So now I want it all: life with fun, with disappointments, with everything in between.

I learn the hard way that the only way I get to be taken care of is if I’m in charge and of course my perfect husband. Well. I could be harsh on people probably but it’s simply because I’m in learning curve of how to socialize.
I was always most bullied, easiest target I would say. So I never really had friends. I’m just learning how to make those now :) Hope I’m good student here :)

Well, I just can't be sad too long :) Obviously.